


Lullaby

by renjezvous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Insomnia, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Platonic Relationships, Psychological Break, Sleeping Pills, renjun just wants to sleep :(, unconscious self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:53:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24376810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renjezvous/pseuds/renjezvous
Summary: Renjun thought that the busier he gets, the easier sleep would come to him. So why was he still wide awake, lying on his bed staring at the ceiling of the bunk bed above him at 5am in the morning?
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Everyone, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Mark Lee, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Park Jisung, Huang Ren Jun/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 2
Kudos: 103





	Lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> please read the tags before continuing reading! please don't read if you are uncomfortable with some of the topics that will be discussed in this fic.
> 
> this fic won't be long, maybe 2~3 chapters! the timeline is set after dream show tour and before ridin' comeback. that one week renjun had to miss akdong seoul can be played in this timeline as well.
> 
> i was heavily inspired by a youtube video that i've watched relating to psychological breaks. i did do my own research on sleeping pills but there will be some medical inaccuracies in this fic to fit into the story timeline/plot so please do your own research if you are interested to learn more regarding topics discussed in this fic!
> 
> my grammar is all over the place i am so so sorry if that bothers you. i haven't written anything proper in 2 years and my mind's in a mess. i will clean it up after i'm done with all the parts and get this fic out from my system.

_“On behalf of Korean Airlines and the entire crew, I’d like to thank you for joining us on this trip and we are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future. Have a nice day!”_

Renjun sighed in relief. Finally home. He nudged Jeno awake from his sleep who was sitting next to him in the plane and started to pack his belongings into his bag.

They were the last ones to leave the plane, Renjun nodding and smiling politely towards the stewardess who was repeatedly thanking the passengers for flying with them.

His eyes squinted at the morning sunrise. The sky was still dark when they took the plane from Indonesia at midnight. He dragged his feet, trailing behind a tired Donghyuck, can’t wait to pass the immigrations and take another quick nap in the van.

An hour later, Renjun and the rest of the boys were finally in the van, on their way back to the dorms. Renjun can’t wait to take a hot bath and sleep for days. The back-to-back tour had worn him out. He had little to no sleep and his body was aching from the concerts and the uncomfortable plane seat. 

“Renjun, I’ll pick you up at 12pm. We’ll go to the saloon and head straight to the radio station. You have to record a few pre-recorded sessions as well.” their manager, Ari-hyung, announced when the van had stopped at a traffic light.

Renjun checked the time, it was 9.45am. By the time he’d reach the dorms it’ll be 10. After he showered it’ll be about 10.30. One and a half hour of sleep. 

“Ok.” he can do this.

-

The dorm was dark once he reached home, the TV screen being the only light illuminating the living room. Renjun noticed a long figure lying on the couch with a switch on his hands.

“Welcome home. Have you had dinner?” it was Jisung, giving him a quick smile from the couch before focusing on whatever game he was playing on the switch that Jaemin had bought for the youngest on his birthday early this month.

“Yep. Had subway.” Renjun placed his shoes neatly on the shoe rack, before making his way to the living room to ruffle Jisung’s hair, who whined in annoyance. He glanced at Jaemin and Jeno's room. Jeno was probably gaming, as usual and Jaemin is either sleeping or editing some photos he took.

“Park Jisung, it’s past your curfew. Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” rather than a scolding it sounded more like a teasing. Jisung was a whole ass grown teenager, outgrowing all his hyungs and just turned 19 in korean age, but everyone still treats him like a baby.

Jisung only stuck his tongue out in response. Renjun shook his head, looking at Jisung fondly.

Technically they have a few days off, but not for Renjun. He still has his daily radio schedules and he has to go to China for a few days with Chenle for the OYF hotspring photoshoot.

After showering, he bids Jisung goodnight, and Renjun was pretty sure the youngest would fall asleep on the couch. 

Only having less than 2 hours of sleep, his body still aching, he feels the exhaustion finally catching up to him as he dives for his bed. Sighing in relief, he hugs his Moomin plushie, pulling his covers and waits for the exhaustion to lull his senses to sleep.

Except, an hour had passed and he's still wide awake. 

Renjun turns and turns, trying to find a more comfortable position but he couldn’t sleep. Sighing, he takes his phone out from under his pillow and scrolls past his private instagram account. He watches a couple of youtube videos. He checks the time and it’s almost 5am. He groans and puts away his phone and tries to sleep. He finally sleeps once the sun began to rise.

-

“You look like death.” Jaemin comments bluntly.

“Thank you. I feel like death too.” was Renjun's reply, grumpily munching on the omelette that Jaemin had cooked for breakfast.

“What time did you sleep yesterday?” Jeno questions, his own eyebags were as bad as Renjun's, but at least he could continue sleeping after breakfast.

“7? Couldn’t sleep.”

“Why are you up so early? You will only be leaving at 1pm today though.” Jaemin placed some vegetables ontop of Renjun’s bowl of rice.

“No idea. My body just decided to wake me up at 10. Tried to sleep back but can’t.” Renjun sighs tiredly, shoulders slumping, “I’m so tired.”

“Try to sleep more after breakfast?” Jaemin suggests, unsure how to help Renjun with his problem.

“I’m thinking of dropping by the pharmacy and getting some sleeping pills. At this rate, I’ll be a walking zombie.” Jeno and Jaemin could only look at Renjun sympathetically.

-

Chenle sighs dramatically as he and Renjun enter their shared hotel room.

“Stingy bastards. I might as well pay for my own room!” let's just say Chenle wasn’t that happy with the sleeping arrangements.

Their management had promised them individual rooms, but to his dismay there was a miscommunication with the hotel and the company, now he had to share a room with Renjun. 

Not that he hated Renjun or anything of course, but he thought he could experience a bit of luxury and peace with a room all to himself.

“Yah, take off your shoes before climbing on the bed!” ah, there goes the first nag, and Chenle is sure is not the last as well. 

The younger chinese boy happily claimed the side that was not beside the window, not wanting to be awakened by the sunlight in the morning.

“Manager hyung just texted in the group chat, we have to be ready by 10am and meet the OYF staff in the lobby.” Renjun read from his phone.

“Ok!” Chenle took off his jacket and hat, quickly making himself comfortable in the duvets of the bed, extremely happy at the thought of not having to wake up at 6am. 

“Are you not going to take a shower before going to bed?” Renjun questions, judgingly looking at Chenle with a cocked eyebrow.

“Already did before we left for the airport.” Chenle simply replies, already taking his phone out from his pocket, loading his game up.

Renjun could only sigh, taking out his toiletries and his pyjamas out.

After taking a quick shower, he prepared the clothes he would be wearing tomorrow and hung them in the closet. He then took out a bottle of pills from his bag and grabbed a bottle of water from the hotel’s mini fridge.

Chenle groans when he lost, quickly pressing ‘Restart’ on his game. While waiting for his game to load, he looks up and sees Renjun swallowing 2 pills.

“You’re taking the sleeping pills again? Didn’t you take them on the plane before take off because you needed a nap?” 

Renjun nods, tightening the cap of the bottle.

“Yeah. But I really can’t sleep without them. They’re my life savers.” Renjun places the pills back inside his bag.

Chenle wants to say something more, but he quickly forgot as the screen of his game finally loaded.

-

It was no surprise that Jaemin is the most observant member in the group. He knows each members’ likes and dislikes, what they want for their birthdays, what their favourite food is. He doesn’t look like it, but he's definitely the mom of the group. 

So it’s no surprise that Jaemin noticed something was off. Jaemin’s in the kitchen, making ramen for Jisung and Jeno who had invaded his room and whined about being hungry.

The door to their dorm clicks open, Renjun’s melodious “Kids I’m home~” echoed in the living room. Jeno shouts back a “Welcome home!” from his room while Jisung hums as an acknowledgement from the couch. 

Jaemin greets Renjun and offers the chinese boy if he wanted ramen but the older decline,s saying he was full. Renjun places his bag on the dining table, fleeing to the toilet to release his aching bladder and for a quick shower before he heads to bed.

After Renjun comes out from the shower, Jaemin watches as the chinese boy searches for something inside his bag, taking out the bottle of pills and placing it on the table.

Jaemin frowns, seeing the bottle almost empty. _‘Didn’t he just bought these pills 2 weeks ago?’_

Jaemin continued watching as Renjun popped 2 pills, swallowing down with water.

“Renjun-ah, you still have problems with sleeping?” Jaemin casually asks, placing the pot filled with ramen on the dining table.

“Mhm. I really can’t sleep without them.” Renjun responded, unaware of the worried gaze Jaemin was giving him.

Jaemin only hums in acknowledgment. 

-

Renjun was startled when he opened the door only to see Chenle standing in front of it.

“Chenle! You scared me!” Renjun clutches his clothed chest.

Chenle cackles, “I was literally about to ring the doorbell but you opened it first.”

“What are you doing here anyway?” Renjun steps back to give Chenle space to enter the dorm.

“Jisung invited me over. We’re gonna play games. Are you heading for your radio schedule?”

“Yep! I’ll go now, manager hyung is waiting downstairs. Bye!”

Chenle waves to the older chinese boy and closes the door behind him. He takes off his shoes and enters the dorm.

“Renjun hyung’s gone right?” Jisung peeks from his shared room with Jaemin.

Chenle nods. Jisung motions for the older boy to enter the room.

“So what is this important meeting that I had to come and Renjun hyung must not know?” Chenle enters Jaemin's room.

He was surprised not to only see Jaemin and Jeno, but Donghyuck and Mark are there too, virtually. The two boys wave from Jaemin’s laptop. 

“Thank you everyone for attending this very super important meeting.” Jaemin dramatically starts with a super formal tone that makes Chenle giggle and Donghyuck scoff, “I have gathered you all here today to discuss about Renjun.”

“Is it…. about the sleeping pills?” Jeno guesses, frowning.

“Sleeping pills?” Mark looks confused.

“Yes, the sleeping pills.” Jaemin nods, “Since Mark hyung and Donghyuck might not know, Renjun has been having difficulties sleeping lately. So he bought a bottle of sleeping pills to try out. It worked, but I noticed that… He might be too reliant on it lately. He takes them every night.”

“It’s not even every night, whenever he feels tired and needs a nap, he takes them too.” Chenle added.

Jeno sighs while Jisung looks scared, unsure what to make of the situation.

“Have you tried talking to him?” Donghyuck questions.

“Nope! I was thinking you could talk to Renjun, Mark hyung. He always listens to you. Or Donghyuck, since you know, the two of you are the closest. Renjun doesn't really listen to us 4 just because he thinks he’s the oldest and has the responsibility to take care of all of us.” Jaemin reasons.

“I would sincerely love to, but I’m flying off to America tomorrow. If I want to talk to him I’d rather talk to him face-to-face rather than over text, since this is a pretty serious issue.” Mark gives everyone an apologetic look.

“I’ll try to talk to him tomorrow during practice.” Donghyuck says thoughtfully, “Maybe during one of the breaks. I’ll ask him casually, the rest of you should act normally, don’t make the atmosphere tense. We don’t want him to stress further.”

Jaemin thanks Donghyuck giving the slightly older boy virtual kisses which Haechan reciprocates just to piss the audience in the room. Mark laughs, Chenle and Jisung pretend to gag and Jeno could only shake his head with a fond smile. 

Everything will be ok. Renjun will be ok.

-

The next day comes and everyone doesn't act anything out ordinary, except for Chenle who keeps glancing at Donghyuck and Renjun, because the younger chinese boy has always worn his heart on his sleeve. Unfortunately, Renjun notices the constant glances. He raises a brow when he caught Chenle looking at him, but the younger boy would quickly look away.

Renjun tries to ignore Chenle and continues practicing. He had no time to lose. Around 2 weeks ago, the company had announced to them that they would be having a comeback, which surprised everyone. Their comeback was supposed to be after summer, but the company had decided to push the comeback earlier with reasons unknown even to the boys themselves. All they could do is thank the company for giving them the opportunity to perform new songs. 

They had recorded all the songs a week ago, and had started learning the new choreography early this week. Usually, Renjun would have time to stay back after practice to practice his dance moves and expressions more - alongside with the other members but after becoming a fixed DJ, he doesn’t have that luxury anymore. He needed to try and master everything during dance practice itself with the dance instructor, because after practice ends, he had to pack and head to the radio broadcast station with his manager. 

“Ok! 10 minutes break!” the dance instructor claps his hands.

Everyone was panting, catching their breaths after an intense rundown of their new choreography. Renjun went to his bag to dig up his water bottle out, forgetting to pull it up earlier before practice started. After taking a drink, he decided to pack his bag as he couldn’t stand the mess. He was almost late to practice this morning, dumping all his essentials into his bag.

Donghyuck eyes Renjun carefully, deciding to take this opportunity to question the boy. He takes a seat next to Renjun on the floor casually, drinking his own bottle. Then he eyes the bottle that everyone was fussing about, on the floor. 

“What’s that?” Donghyuck asks casually, as if he didn’t know already. 

Renjun jumps slightly, he didn’t notice Donghyuck sitting next to him.

“What’s what?” 

Donghyuck grabs the bottle of sleeping pills, turning it around reading the label.

“Oh, those are sleeping pills.” Renjun went back to his packing.

“Sleeping pills? Since when you take them?” Donghyuck questions.

“Since 3 weeks ago? Had trouble sleeping.” Renjun shrugs.

“And how many pills do you usually take them in a day?” Donghyuck continues.

Renjun furrows his brows, “Why are you asking so many questions? Is it a big deal?”

“I’m just curious, especially since the bottle is almost empty.” Wrong move. Renjun narrows his eyes suspiciously. Donghyuck usually is the kind that minds his own business, so for him to keep pressing about the pills, Renjun definitely caught on.

And Renjun did. He glares at Chenle, how it makes sense why Chenle keeps glancing at him, then he moves to glare at Jaemin. Jeno and Jisung weren't spared either. 

He laughs bitterly, “Oh, I get it now. All of you think I’m an addict.”

“Oh my god, Renjun no-” Jaemin starts but Renjun cuts him off.

“I _can_ and _know_ how to take care of myself, ok. I’m not an addict. I take them because I can’t sleep.” Renjun defends himself, scowling.

“We’re not saying you’re an addict, Renjun. We are worried. Seems like you are taking more than you should.” Donghyuck explains.

“And there are better ways to help with your sleeping problem too!” Jisung adds, hopefully to tone down the tense atmosphere.

“I don’t have time to try any stupid sleeping exercises Jisung, the sleeping pills are a quick fix. If I don’t take them, I’ll be a walking zombie the next day. I can’t afford that. I need to sleep so I can function.”

“Sleeping pills are not supposed to be a fix, Renjun. Those are to aid you in situations that you really need them, and you shouldn’t rely on them too much. It’s dangerous. We don’t want you to get hurt.” Jeno pipes up quietly, gaze worried.

Renjun sighs, trying to calm himself down, “I understand your worries. But really guys, I can take care of myself. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure to only take them only when I need to.” 

Renjun grabs the pills from Donghyuck, throwing it in his bag. He didn’t want to talk about this topic any longer. 

The rest of the members look at each other worriedly.

Renjun sort of agreed to tone down the amount of pills he would take, but why do they feel that they had failed? Before they could question Renjun further, the dancing instructor came back, clapping his hands and telling them to start practice.

Everyone begrudgingly follows.

-

Renjun twirls around his bed.

He huffs in irritation when sleep doesn’t come to him. He glances at the bottle of pills on his side table. He hadn’t actually taken any pills before going to bed.

_‘I mean... I can’t sleep...’_

He grabs the bottle and swallows a pill dry.

Once he felt the drowsiness kicks in, Renjun smiles to himself, snuggling closer to his Moomin plushies.


End file.
